ERP 1

Mother Tongue (a)
I was only 5 years old when my grandmother moved in with us. My grandfather had recently passed away from a heart attack and she could not fend for herself in Penang where she had lived till now.

I still remember it like it was yesterday – as she entered our house with her meager belongings, I went up to say hello. However, she replied to me in an alien language I had never heard before. I later learnt that she spoke Hokkien and to my shock my parents conversed with her fluently in that tongue. To my young and inquisitive mind, I was awestruck. How did my parents suddenly learn such a strange and alien language? I ran up to my sisters’ room and they laughed at my innocence before explaining that my parents actually came from Penang and were not from Singapore as I had originally believed! I went downstairs again to see my grandmother. She called me over to sit next to her and I obliged. She told my parents (as I would find out later from them) that I was “guai” (well-behaved) and handsome.

With each passing day I grew closer and closer to my grandmother, but the gap between us in terms of our means of communication grew wider and wider, with me having to resort to my parents as translators. I soon found out about the similarities between Chinese (my mother tongue) and Hokkien, and as a result, attempted to communicate with her in Chinese. However, after many failed communication attempts, I finally gave up my futile attempts and had to resort to learning the actual language. I learnt a few basic words of Hokkien, but I was never really able to master it like my oldest sister. I still remember a few years later, she told me in Hokkien to stop climbing over the chair, lest I fall down. I replied “wo bei pahto” (I won’t fall down) and my family burst out laughing.

However, as I grew older, the exact opposite happened and I never really talked to my grandmother much, as a result of being embarrassed that I did not know how to speak to her, and avoiding as much contact as possible, using excuses like studying to hide in my room, and when I was required to speak to her, I usually did it indirectly through my parents. I suspected it had something to do with me feeling more mature and not having the time to speak to an old lady in a strange language I did not even understand. My innocence was gone – I was no longer a young boy sitting in his grandmother’s lap with an inquisitive look, trying to comprehend the conversation. I was a young man now. I was independent and could not spend time with a weird old lady spouting “nonsense”.

It was only a few years later, when my grandmother passed away, that I felt the full blown consequences of my actions. I had lost a family member dear to me, and I had not taken time off, not even a few minutes, to get to know her better. My grandmother was gone forever. Thinking back now, it had all been my fault. My grandmother had made many attempts to get closer to me, giving me presents during my birthday and trying to get me to talk to her. However, I had been the one not making the choice of learning basic Hokkien to try to get closer to her, and to understand her language. She will remain forever in my heart, and my only regret is that I never tried to get to know her better, and forge a closer bond with her.

Daniel Tan (23)
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